Power Play: A Novel Read online

  “You realize that you’re my model for the female side of the book, don’t you? Or one of them anyway. I’ve been using you as a guinea pig for years,” Jillian said about her new book.

  Jillian had never married and had never wanted children. She had several long-term relationships, and many short ones, and was rarely without an interesting man in her life. She loved men, but it had never even remotely appealed to her to turn any of her relationships into marriage. And usually, after a few years, she moved on, to someone even more interesting and better, after auditioning several new ones. The men in her life adored her, and she stayed friends with them long after they broke up. She had always said that her niece and nephew, Fiona’s children, were enough of a “kid fix” for her, and she was close to both, and called them regularly to see how they were. She was a terrific aunt, but had always been convinced she’d be a terrible mother. “I’m too self-involved,” she admitted readily. “I could never stop what I’m doing long enough to give a child enough attention. Or a man.” She had a busy, extremely independent life. And no matter how intelligent they were, she treated the men in her life as sex objects more than equal partners. They were so startled by it, they loved it. She was unashamedly sexual, even at fifty-five.

  “Power acts as an aphrodisiac for powerful, successful men,” Jillian informed her sister, and then went back to the game, as she sent a crushing serve in her direction, which Fiona missed, intrigued by what she said. “And an anesthetic for women,” she concluded, as Fiona listened with interest. “Like you,” Jillian continued. “How long has it been since you got laid?”

  “You expect me to answer that?” Fiona looked shocked.

  “If you can’t answer that question,” Jillian said smugly, “my guess is you can’t even remember the last time.”

  “Of course I can. It was two years ago,” Fiona said, looking momentarily miffed as they continued to play.

  “That’s ridiculous, for a woman your age. And you don’t look anywhere near your age, by the way. If you weren’t successful, you could have any guy you want. The problem is that you’re a successful CEO, which scares the shit out of any guy. A man in your same position would have women ten deep lined up at his gate, and be screwing everything that moves. Men in power feel sexy and are driven by sex. Women in the same jobs go underground and forget they’re women. Success is very isolating,” she said, as the game came to an end, and they met at the net. Jillian had beaten Fiona. She almost always did, except if she was exceptionally tired or sick.

  “I’m not sure I agree with the anesthetic part, but it is isolating,” Fiona said, looking thoughtful as they both cracked open bottles of water when they left the court, and took a long drink. They always played hard. It was relaxing for them both.

  “I don’t think women in your position feel sexy, because men don’t pay attention to them. They’re too threatened by successful women so they ignore them, and treat them like men, which is devastating for any woman’s self-image, to be overlooked as a woman.”

  “Maybe,” Fiona said pensively. “I never think about it.”

  “That’s my point. I’ll bet you never even think about guys, most of the time. You’re too busy working. The male CEOs I know are having affairs, usually with unsuitable women. When was the last time you heard about a female CEO having an affair with a guy she picked up at a massage parlor?” Fiona laughed at the idea, and Jillian looked serious about her theories. “Look at you. When was the last time you went on a date, or a guy asked you out for dinner?” Fiona thought about it, and honestly couldn’t remember.

  “I don’t know, it’s been a while … a long while … but in my case, loss of memory is a blessing. I’ve had some of the worst blind dates in history.”

  “So has every female CEO I’ve interviewed. The good guys are too afraid of them to ask them out, and those women wind up with the dregs who go after them for all the wrong reasons, or some terrible blind dates set up by friends.”

  “That sounds about right. Why do you suppose my male counterparts have more fun?”

  “Probably because they go after it. And a successful man is a hero, particularly one with power. A woman in a powerful position is automatically presumed to be a bitch.” It was true, but the theory sounded depressing to Fiona, who had encountered the results of that stereotype too. Most of the men she had met had been afraid of her, and didn’t want to get involved. And now she didn’t either. She’d given up. “Everybody wants to date a successful guy, they’re in high demand. No one wants to date a successful woman, or damn few men anyway. They’re too scared. Powerful, successful women get a bad rap. Not every female CEO is a bitch,” Jillian said, thinking about it, and Fiona laughed nervously.

  “That’s reassuring. I was beginning to worry. Am I one of the good ones or the bad ones?” She looked concerned for a minute, as they sat down on a bench with their water.

  “What do you think?” Jillian asked with a wry smile, sounding like a shrink.

  “I don’t know. Maybe a little of both.”

  “Welcome to the human race. I’m not so charming every day either, and I’m not a CEO,” Jillian said as they put their rackets in their cases.

  “I try to be strong but fair at the office, otherwise they’d walk all over me, especially the chairman of the board.” She thought of Harding Williams as she said it. “But I tried to leave the gladiator stuff at the office and be a woman at home when I was married. According to David, I failed abysmally.”

  “Look what he married. Would you want to be her? She’s a nice woman, but her greatest accomplishment is making three-dimensional snowflakes and Easter bunnies from Martha Stewart’s book. Come on, Fiona, you don’t want to be that. You never did.” She would have been disappointed in her sister if she had. Jillian had enormous respect for her. Fiona was capable of so much more than that, which David had never appreciated. Fiona had always wanted more for herself too, much to Jillian’s relief. The two sisters were very different in their lifestyle choices, but they were similar in some ways. Both were high achievers and perfectionists, and harder on themselves than on anyone else, and successful in their fields. And Fiona was powerful as well. Jillian thought it was their way of living up to their parents’ expectations for them, even after they were dead. And Fiona didn’t disagree. They had both been terrific students in school. Fiona was a gentler person. Jillian was tougher and more direct. And Fiona liked the commitment of marriage. Jillian never had.

  Fiona was still thinking about what Jillian had said about David’s wife. “No, I don’t want to be like Jenny. But I’m not so sure I want to be me either. You’ll notice there’s no one in my bed at night, or knocking on my door. So something isn’t working right. Snowflakes and Easter bunnies are a hell of a lot less scary than a woman who runs a major corporation.” Fiona didn’t look distressed as she said it, and knew it was the truth, and Jillian didn’t disagree.

  “That’s my point. If you were a guy, everyone would want you. As a woman, it’s much harder to find a good man. Particularly one who likes you for who you are, and isn’t angry about it.”

  “So what am I supposed to do? Get a sex change to get a date, if I ever want one again?” Fiona was laughing by then. She wasn’t desperate by any means, or even interested, but once in a while she thought it would be nice to have someone to talk to at night, after work, or wake up next to on the weekends. It had been a long time. And at other times, she was convinced that she was happier now alone.

  “No, you’ve got to find a guy with guts, who’s not scared of you, or your job, who’s not jealous of you, and has the brains to look beyond the title on the door.” Jillian was serious about it. She thought Fiona should have a partner, a good one, which was easier said than done.

  “I don’t think that man’s been born,” Fiona responded. “Maybe I’m too old,” she said quietly, and Jillian looked enraged.

  “At forty-nine? That’s ridiculous. You could live another fifty years. Seventy-five-yea
r-olds date and fall in love. One of my patients got married last year at eighty-nine, and he’s still going strong.”

  “They’re retired and not CEOs anymore. I don’t have a hell of a lot of free time. And I have a feeling that as long as I’m working, in this job anyway, no guy is going to come near me. I’m not sure I care, in fact I don’t, but I think it may just be the way things are. And I’m not giving up my job for a date. My dating life hasn’t exactly been stellar since the divorce, which happens to be when I started this job, six years ago.”

  “You haven’t been trying,” Jillian said with a disapproving look again.

  “I don’t have time,” Fiona said honestly. “I work my ass off all day. I try to keep up with my kids, and see them when I can. And by the time I read the papers I bring home every night, I’m too exhausted to get up and take my clothes off. How am I supposed to date? And if I have a date, some kind of crisis comes up, and I get fourteen phone calls at dinner. No guy is going to put up with that.” And none had in six years. And David had hated it before that, and her as a result.

  The men who had gone out with Jillian had been much more tolerant of her and less threatened by her, although she was more outspoken than Fiona.

  “The right one will deal with it,” Jillian said confidently. “Maybe a guy in the same boat you are.” She had thought about it for Fiona before, because she hated how alone she was, particularly with the kids gone now.

  “Two CEOs?” Fiona said with a look of horror. “What a nightmare. Besides, my counterparts are dating twenty-two-year-olds. I’m out of the running. And they’re mostly go-go dancers and porn stars. I don’t qualify. Successful men don’t go out with serious, successful women. They know better, or something.”

  “You just haven’t met the right guys,” Jillian said firmly.

  “Maybe there are no right guys. The good ones are all married,” Fiona said simply.

  “And cheating on their wives,” Jillian said knowingly.

  “I don’t want one of those,” Fiona said matter-of-factly.

  “You need to get out more and meet more people,” Jillian said honestly. “Just to have some fun.”

  “Yeah. Maybe,” Fiona said, looking unconvinced. “Maybe when I retire.” Jillian gave her a dark look, and then she asked about the leak she’d read about in the press. Fiona explained the situation to her and the implications, and told her about the investigation to find the source. She mentioned what a hard time Harding Williams had been giving her, as usual, which infuriated Jillian.

  “What the hell is he so pissed about?”

  “You forget, he was Jed Ivory’s friend at Harvard. He blamed me for getting involved with him, and the divorce, and has treated me like pond scum ever since.” Fiona smiled as she said it, although he upset her at times.

  “You were a kid, for chrissake. Jed was already separated when you met him, and has he forgotten that Jed knocked up someone else, while you were believing his bullshit to you about it being true love? Please!”

  “Harding doesn’t believe that and never will. He thought Jed was a saint because they went to Princeton together. Old boys’ club and all that crap. Besides, I think Harding hates women, except for the saintly wife he talks about all the time.”

  “She probably has a mustache and a beard,” Jillian said, and Fiona laughed out loud.

  “I’ll admit, she’s not too pretty. But he seems to think she is. So, good for him. I just wish he’d get off my back and stop punishing me for causing a minor scandal twenty-five years ago. It’s gotten a little old. I’d practically forgotten Jed until I ran into Harding again. It’s such ancient history, it’s hard to believe he still cares.” But he did, and still blamed her, unfairly.

  They chatted a few more minutes, about Mark and Alyssa, and what they were up to, and Jillian put an arm around her sister as they walked back to their cars. Fiona always loved their time together, and valued Jillian’s wise advice.

  “I really think you’re on to something with your new book. I never really think about how different men and women are, in the same position, but I like your aphrodisiac theory about men. I think you’re right.” She liked less her assessment that power and success anesthetized women and dulled their sexuality, even if for lack of opportunity, but she suspected she was accurate about that too. Jillian certainly seemed to understand the differences of how power affected men and women.

  “It’s not good news for you, but I think I’m on to something too. I’ve been noticing it among my patients for years. I can’t believe the messes my male patients get themselves into, if they’re in the power game. They pull stunts no sane man should ever try, but a lot of them do, and then it blows up in their faces and everyone acts surprised. I no longer am. I wish there were a little more of that in your life,” she said, giving her younger sister a hug. She was a good woman and Jillian thought she deserved a good man. It had always been easier for Jillian to meet men, and she was more open to it than Fiona, who was more willing to give up on romance in her life, and be satisfied with just kids and work. “You need to make more effort to meet a guy,” she said gently, and Fiona looked surprised.

  “Why? I’m happy the way I am. Besides, I don’t have time for a relationship.”

  “Yes, you do. You just don’t want to make the effort, or risk getting hurt again.” Jillian always told it like it was.

  “Probably,” Fiona admitted. The last years of her marriage had been so bitter that she had been gun-shy about relationships ever since, and had put more effort into avoiding one than finding one now. And the kind of men who approached her or she got fixed up with were a good excuse.

  “There are some good men out there,” Jillian assured her. “You just need better luck next time. David was never right for you. It just got more apparent over time. He was always jealous of you and your career. He wanted to be you, he just didn’t want to put the time in to do it, and he wasn’t smart enough to pull it off so he beat you up for it instead. It’s a pretty typical tactic when a woman is more successful than her husband, but it’s a cheap shot.” He had accused and blamed Fiona for years, as they both knew.

  “I think it cured me from marriage forever,” Fiona said simply.

  “Hopefully not from relationships. I still keep hoping you’ll meet the right guy,” Jillian said honestly and Fiona shrugged.

  “Why? You don’t have one at the moment,” Fiona said.

  Although usually she did. She had taken a breather for the past few months, after her last lover had died suddenly of a heart attack at fifty-nine, and she had been sad about it. They had gotten along well for two years, which was about how long Jillian’s relationships lasted. She got bored with them after that and moved on.

  “We’re different. You’re better suited to long-term relationships than I am. I would have killed David after a year for his antiquated ideas and opinions.” And she knew that Fiona had endured untold amounts of emotional abuse from him, and still did, for her children’s sake. He always had something nasty to say about her, which Jillian thought was pathetic and Fiona agreed. But he was the father of her children so she had to see him from time to time, mostly at events that were important to them, like graduations. He was poisonous every time. It no longer hurt her, but it was petty and annoying, and upset the kids, who couldn’t get him to stop either, and they had tried. And even though he was happy with Jenny now supposedly, he was still miserable to Fiona, and resentful of the past. “You got great kids out of it, that’s something,” Jillian said as Fiona unlocked her car.

  “Next Saturday?” she asked Jillian hopefully. They always had a good time. “You can tell me more about your book about men and women and power. It sounds good to me.”

  “I don’t need to tell you. You’re living it. I should interview you officially one of these days.”

  “Anytime,” Fiona said, and hugged her, and then slid into her car.

  The two women went their separate ways, and Fiona was in a good mood all the w
ay home, and even happier when she found Alyssa at the house when she got back. She was picking up clean clothes and doing a load of laundry while she waited for her mother. And she’d already helped herself to the skirt she wanted for that night. She had texted her mother and knew she was playing tennis with her aunt.

  “How’s Aunt Jill?” Alyssa asked after she kissed her mother. Fiona was delighted to see her at the house.

  “Fine. She’s working on a new book about men and women and power. She thinks it turns men into sex maniacs and women into nuns,” she summed up, and they both laughed. And it sounded intriguing to Alyssa too, whose dream was to have a career like her mother’s, despite the pitfalls and the problems she knew it caused. She thought her parents’ marriage had failed because of it, and Fiona wouldn’t have disagreed. And neither of them was surprised that Alyssa’s brother had opted out of the corporate world completely. It looked like too high a risk to him, and an unhappy life. He had seen the price his mother had paid for her success, and thought his sister was crazy to want that too.

  “Can you stay for lunch?” Fiona invited her, and Alyssa nodded. She looked a great deal like her mother, and she was a very pretty girl. Fiona made them a salad, and they sat down to eat at the table by the pool. It was a beautiful day, and Alyssa told her mother that she was dating someone new.

  “What’s he like?” Fiona asked with interest. She was delighted that Alyssa shared all her secrets with her. She loved being part of her life, and was always happy to make time for her.

  “He’s nice, he’s a junior, he’s on the football team. His name is John Weston. And his dad runs UPI.”

  “Marshall Weston’s son?” Fiona looked surprised. She had met Marshall Weston several times at Senate subcommittee hearings in Washington, although she didn’t know him well. “His father is the poster boy of what CEOs are supposed to look like, the perfect all-American guy. I think he played football in college too, or looks like he should have.”